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Iain Duncan Smith “Immigrants must learn cockney rhyming slang”
Immigrants are going to have to learn cockney rhyming slang, if they want to be considered either for benefits, employment or whatever misinformed middle England are more concerned about at the time,...
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New right wing Owen Jones accepts job with Daily Mail
Formerly left wing journalist Owen Jones has confirmed that he will be accepting a full time position with the Daily Mail and has adopted right wing knee jerk political leanings in accordance with...
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David Cameron “I worship lots of Gods”
Prime Minister David Cameron has this morning revealed that he actually worships a number of different Gods depending on who he is talking to, what policies he is trying to implement and what mood he...
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Osborne “We must stop poor people buying houses”
George Osborne has told a packed audience that a cap on mortgage loan amounts is essential in order to stop poor people from buying houses. Speaking to lots of people who can afford houses and also...
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BBC announce new show “Iain Duncan Smith’s BFF”
The BBC have confirmed that from September Iain Duncan Smith will be appearing in a new reality TV series set to find him a Best friend Forever or BFF. In a promotional trailer for the show Mr Duncan...
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Atos declare Kim Jong Un fit for work
North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un will need to pull his finger out and get back to public engagements according to healthcare assessment company ATOS who have declared the portly despot fit for work....
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Fury as man on benefits spends £640k on Christmas decorations
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith is reported to be incandescent with rage following reports that a man on benefits has adorned his house with Christmas lighting and decorations to an...
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Young people to be painted orange and set to work making chocolate
Young people will be required to earn any social security benefits they may receive by painting themselves orange and assisting in the production of chocolate on a live-in basis, according to strict...
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Conservatives hoping everyone forgets about Iain Duncan Smith
The Conservatives are hoping that everyone forgets about Iain Duncan Smith until at least Friday according to a secret report leaked this afternoon by Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg. Speaking to John...
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Government to make sick children do P.E
The Government will be forcing unwell children to do competitive sports as part of their ‘make people do things that they’re not up to’ drive. Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith said...
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Cameron “Dead People are getting a free ride”
Dead people will no longer be able to simply lie underground or float around in the form of minute particles dispersed throughout the atmosphere without putting their hands in their pockets, according...
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Iain Duncan Smith off to pub with imaginary friends
Iain Duncan Smith is reportedly off to the pub with his imaginary friends this evening after a hard day’s fabricating stories from fictional benefits claimants. Dressed in his evening attire and ready...
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Iain Duncan Smith is a cunt
Iain Duncan smith is a monumental cunt according to a new report released today by everyone else. Thought to be the case for some time amongst the chattering classes, the rumours have now been...
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Applause as Osborne ends epidemic of children having lunch
Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has silenced his critics and won widespread adoration from the public today on setting out his plans to end the epidemic of every single child having lunch at...
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Osborne “We are the party of the night”
George Osborne has confirmed today that all future Government meetings will be held during the night, with Ministers retreating to darkened rooms to sleep in the day time. The news will not surprise...
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Boris launches leadership campaign under guise of some EU thing
Boris Johnson has formalised his campaign to run for Prime Minister under the guise of some argument over membership of the EU. The shaggy, self serving, former Eton schoolboy said that the question...
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Iain Duncan Smith to leave Europe now
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan smith is reportedly so excited about the possibility of Britain leaving the European Union that he has gone on ahead and left Europe already. A source close to...
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“Stop naming us” say MPs who voted for disability benefit cuts
Conservative MPs who voted for £30 a week cuts in benefits for disabled people have asked today for people to stop naming them on social media so they can continue to claim huge expenses and lie about...
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Iain Duncan Smith resigns in protest against his own policies
Iain Duncan Smith has resigned as Work and Pensions secretary citing his own policies as a step too far. “I wouldn’t want to be part of a Government that would let someone as unpleasant as me form...
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Conservatives divided over whether to be total bastards or utter bastards
The Conservative party is thought to be divided today over whether to be total bastards or utter bastards. Prime Minister David Cameron has denied that now the Conservative Government has...
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