Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has moved forward with his controversial plans to have every British citizen work in a supermarket with today’s announcement “Stack shelves or we’ll shoot you.”
Speaking on the Marr show this morning Mr Duncan Smith clarified the Government position on the matter, ”I’m sick of all the excuses. Only the other day someone told me that they had just qualified as a fireman and felt they would serve the public better by putting out fires. However, we threatened to shoot him and thanks to us he is now stacking shelves. Another had just qualified as a Doctor and seemed to want to hold out for a job in General Practice. Thankfully he’s now gaining valuable retail experience in a well known cut price retail store. At gunpoint.”
The concern is that with a finite supply of shelf stacking positions paid or otherwise, competition may be fierce. “We’re suggesting that all job seekers carry a fully stacked shelf on their person at all times thus displaying their willingness to work and shelf stacking prowess to potential employers. People will also be required to remove all ornaments from their shelves at home and replace them with breakfast cereals and loo rolls. People can also cover the dashboard of their cars with general sundries placed in a uniform fashion.”
“If you still can’t find a job after that then we’ll shoot you” he added.
